What is love?  

We have been told that love makes the world go round, but I think that is a lie.  I think it has to do more with gravity and centrifugal force.

We are told many things about love.  Love means never having to say you’re sorry.  That sounds like a strategy for a breakup.  All’s fair in love and war is usually said by people while they are being unfair.

The Beatles sang “All You Need Is Love.”  They were millionaires at the time.  It had been a while since they had trouble paying the rent.  In a more reflective moment John Lennon said, “We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant.  You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself.  You've got to keep watering it.  You've got to really look after it and nurture it.” [1]

Then there are the words of Jesus (John 15:17):  “This is my command:  Love each other.”  This seems simple enough.  He quoted from the Book of Leviticus (19:18):  “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  How many of us can name five of our neighbors?  Kind of hard to love people you haven’t met, isn’t it.  Then he has the audacity to say, “Love your enemies . . .” (Luke 6:27)

Jesus was not the only one to be so audacious.  Buddha said, “Hatreds never cease through hatred in this world; through love alone they cease.  This is an eternal law.”  [2]

Confucius said, "He whose heart is in the smallest degree set upon Goodness will dislike no one."  [3]

Mohamed recites the Koran, which says,  “It may be that God will ordain love  between you and those whom you hold as enemies.  For God has power over all things; and God is oft-forgiving, most Merciful.”  [4]


Love your enemies?  How preposterous.  That means loving Osama bin Ladin.  That means loving sex offenders.  That means loving politicians in the other party.  That means loving a partner who says  love means never having to say you’re sorry.

Love has many meanings.  Many divorces have resulted from the misapplication of the command to love one’s neighbor.

The Greeks have three words for love: agape, philio and eros.

Eros is romantic love.  This word for love does not appear in the New Testament.  This is the love of Valentine’s Day.  It is infatuation and adoration.  It is longing.  It is desire.  It is the feeling of being in love.  This is sensual love, all shiny and new, love in all its luster.  Yet it is distinct from lust, the simple desire for sex.  When Paul writes about the sins of the flesh (Ephesians 2:3), he uses the word  epithumia.  When James refers to lust (James 4:1), he uses the word hedonia,  from which we get the word hedonism.

I find it a positive thing that the New Testament never condemns Eros, or erotic love.  When it refers to lust, it is referring to something else.  Eros is a good thing when it arises between two people.  Eros is making love as opposed to just having sex.  Eros is the love that is mutual and reciprocal, sharing.  But it is not the love that reaches out to all.  Eros by definition is intimate – exclusive, not inclusive.  It is not the type of love that can be shared with the whole world.

Philio is the Greek word for friendship.  It is used in the Gospel of John (20:2) to refer to the disciple that Jesus loves.  It is brotherly love as in the city of phila-delphia.  This is not the word used when asked to love our neighbor or our enemy.
This is a love that springs from fondness.  There are people I do not like (minister deliberately avoids eye contact with congregants).  They talk about professional wrestling and it bores me.  They conduct foreign policy like professional wrestling and it appalls me.

We all have our preferences: classical music, hip-hop, jazz, rock, folk, etc.  What is music to one is torture to another.

We have our preferences with people as well.  Some enjoy loud people; others like quiet people.  Some prefer spontaneity; others prefer order.  There are some perfectly decent people that for some reason I do not like.  For some reason we do not click.  I do not think it the fault of me or the other person.  Just something about our histories prevents us from being friends.

But this is not the type of love prescribed by Moses, Buddha, Jesus and Mohammed.  We do not have to like our enemies in order to love them.  Agape is the Greek word that is in the commandment to love our enemies.  Agape is unconditional love.  It is given without expecting something in return.  It is different from typical parental love.

Now parents are giving people, but sometime you may hear a loving tidbit like “I put a roof over your head and you can’t even clean your room!” or  “I cooked this meal and you’d better eat it!”

Agape is giving without expecting something in return.  On Valentine’s Day lovers give roses, chocolate and diamonds.  That is not agape love.  Agape expects nothing in return.

The King James version sometimes translates this word as charity.  This type of love is in the giving.  We give the recipient of our gift the freedom to use the gift as they please.

Charity is determined by the quality of the giving.  Buddhism refers to this type of love as compassion:  “If beings knew, as I know, the fruit of sharing gifts, they would not enjoy their use without sharing them, nor would the taint of stinginess
obsess the heart and stay there.  Even if it were their last bit, their last morsel of food, they would not enjoy its use without sharing it, if there were anyone to receive it.”  [5]

In addition to this I must note how important it is to tend to your own light, to love and respect yourself.  You cannot love your neighbor as yourself if you have nothing to give.  If we love, expecting something in return, then our happiness is dependent upon on others.  Your power can be thwarted waiting for someone to love you in return.  But when you love and let it go, you cannot be disappointed.  The gift is in the giving, not in the other person’s reaction to it.

Hatred is more predictable.  If you hate, you almost always get hate in return.  But sometimes when you love, you get love in return.  But the point of loving is being compassionate in a hostile world.

In the field of psychology there is a term called “unconditional positive regard.”  According to Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard is when one person is completely accepting toward another person.  This is not just a show of acceptance; it is an attitude that is then demonstrated through behavior.  Rogers indicated that for humanistic type of therapy to work, the therapist had to have this for the client. [7]
    
People tend to live down to our expectations.  If we label them crazy or evil, they are more likely to be crazy or evil.  Respect is an unsentimental version of love.  It is giving people the space to be as good as they can be.  No one performs best when they are under siege.  Loving others is having unconditional positive regard.  It is hoping the best for humanity.  It is working for a better neighborhood, even for the neighbors you have not met.  It is knowing you share a common humanity,
even with your enemy.

Love one another.  Respect each other.  Hope for the best for all people.

Finally, I leave you with these words from Mother Theresa:  “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” [8]        


1.   http://www.famous-quotes-and-quotations.com/quote-about-love.html    

2.  Buddhism. Dhammapada 3-5

3.  Confucianism.  Analects 4.3-4

4.   Islam.  Qur'an 60.7

5.  Buddhism.  Itivuttaka 18    

6.  Buddhism.  Sutra of Forty-two Sections 10

7.  http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.cfm?term=Unconditional%20Positive%20Regard

8.  http://www.famous-quotes-and-quotations.com/quote-about-love.html