"Are You Proud of Your Sexuality?"

A Sermon by the Rev. Daniel Charles Davis

For the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Winston-Salem

June 10, 2007

          Every June since the 1969 Stonewall Riot has been designated as Gay Pride Month. Before Stonewall, it was common practice for New York police to raid gay bars and send the patrons scattering, lest their deep, dark secret be revealed.

          Then something clicked in the minds of the patrons of the bar: If they stopped being ashamed, then the police lost the power to harass them. If instead one was proud of oneself, then one would not care who knew about one’s attending gay bars. Thus the Pride movement was born. Pride is the opposite of being ashamed. The idea was if one was hiding in a closet, one was vulnerable.

          A lesbian folksinger I knew used to sing:

          "If you’ve got nothing to hide you’ve got nothing to lose.

          You can be anyone and do anything you choose

          Don’t let society give you the blues

          If you’ve nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to lose."

               (Song for His and Hers, Margot Kimball)

          So in response to societies demanding that they remain hidden, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people took to the streets. And Pride parades are now an annual event all across the world. They often make the TV news because their flamboyance makes good visuals.

          But the word "pride" has more than one meaning, the most benign being "self-esteem." Somewhere in the middle is a sense of accomplishment after achieving some goal. This is where pride starts running into some difficulty. Is it really such an accomplishment to have sex with somebody? Should different sexual practices each have their own parade?

          Back in 2004, a radio station in Chapel Hill decided to have a Straight Pride parade, to parody a gay pride parade.

G105 takes to the streets to celebrate straight pride and demand equal rights for opposite gender loving people

By Jessica Albrecht, Copyright 2004, LAMBDA Magazine, c/o GLBT-SA, Box 29 Student Union CB #5210, Chapel Hill, NC 27599

At the beginning of this semester, the radio station G105’s morning show host, Bob Dumas, led the way down Franklin Street in Chapel Hill’s Heterosexual Pride Parade. Including protesters, about 50 people marched for about 25 minutes in the stifling heat, chanting about their penchants for looking up little girls’ skirts and their undying affection for Brad Pitt. A giant beaver and rooster—get it?—headed up the crowd, holding a banner that proclaimed "Straight is Great!" The slogans on Bob’s T-shirt ("Flaming Heterosexual" and "Heterosexuals for Bush") literally sweated off. People held hands, held children, held signs that said, "My Girlfriend is Straight."

So it was basically like any other day on Franklin Street—straight people walking up and down the street, demonstrating to the world that they’re, well, straight. If it hadn’t been for the beaver and

In the days leading up to the parade, several members of the Committee for a Queerer Carolina, a GLBT-SA subgroup, brainstormed to come up with an appropriate response. But what message did we want to send? We were divided: Should we show support for the parade or protest it? After all, isn’t it hypocritical for LGBTIQ people to hold our own pride parades, yet complain when straight folks do it? Isn’t pride in one’s sexuality a good thing for everyone, straight or otherwise? And yet doesn’t it seem tasteless for straight people to appropriate pride parades? And aren’t there meaningful implications of that sort of appropriation?

The cause of this debate, I believe, lies in an unclear understanding of the purpose of pride parades. Here’s the thing: pride parades aren’t really about pride. They’re about visibility. They’re about sending a message to everyone who insists we stay in the closet that says, "no, absolutely not, we aren’t doing that anymore." It looks like pride, sure. But at its core, it’s about showing up, being there and not apologizing for it. That said, I don’t think it’s hypocritical to ask that straight people not co-opt pride parades, because when they do, it creates a false parallel. It sends the message that straight people don’t have the opportunity to take pride in their sexuality—and they do, every day. Heterosexual pride is everywhere; it just isn’t labeled as such.

Think about it. If two women kiss in public, they’re "flaunting their sexuality" and have to endure stares, whispers and the threat of worse. When—not if—two straight people display affection in public, no one bats an eye. Where is the balance here?

It’s important to celebrate one’s sexuality, however it might be defined. But to specifically stage a Heterosexual Pride Parade completely ignores the reality of heterosexism in our society. Pride parades were a response to the closet, to the ways in which LGBTIQ people are forced to hide or disguise their sexuality. To send the message that straight people have these same problems—fear of being open about their sexuality, fear of violence in response to that openness—is a lie, and an insulting one. Having a "hetero" pride parade ignores the historical and cultural context in which pride parades are rooted.

Heterosexual pride parades can be seen in the same light as white pride parades. Sure, people should celebrate their ancestry, but but having a white pride parade would ignore the past and present power imbalance between white people and people of color. It would, in effect, send the message that white people have some need to clamor for attention to demonstrate that they exist. Similarly, having a straight pride parade does nothing except send a convoluted, and ultimately false, message that the power dynamic between people of all sexual identities is balanced, when clearly, it is not.

          I bring these comments to light here because many of us have to go beyond the acceptance of gays and lesbians. We need to move to undo "straight privilege." We need to realize that every single day in this country is the straight pride parade. The Nascar Viagra car leads the parade. The advertising industry constantly uses the lure of heterosexual success to sell their products. Every politician who is able to poses with his or her family. (Being a breeder must be some qualification for leadership.) And if you get divorced, as a candidate you must remarry to prove your heterosexuality. At the bank, at your lawyer’s, at almost any place of business, people display portraits of their children—badges of honor of heterosexual prowess. People even wear jewelry in the shape of little boys and girls for each child they have manufactured. It matches the flashy wedding ring that says, "I Got Mine."

          Straight couples march hand-in-hand down every street and sidewalk every day without fear. People like Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson and Anna Nicole Smith become celebrities precisely because of their sexuality. In fact, there has been so much news about them that it makes me glad. The war in Iraq must be over. The genocide in Darfur must no longer be a problem. The immigration problem must be solved. Racism no longer exists. Because all the news stories seem to cover are the sex lives of celebrities.

          At least the newspapers still run pictures of all the happily married heterosexual couples.

          Straight people march openly in our nation’s armed forces. They ask and tell each other about their lives. There are organizations for military spouses. Many churches have singles groups where heterosexuals can meet. High schools have proms where heterosexual initiation is expected and celebrated.

          Linda Ketner (http://members.aol.com/ahotcupofjava/hetero.html) writes about heterosexual privilege.

If I am a heterosexual:

1. I can go into a music store and find the language of my sexual orientation represented in the lyrics.

2. Television and movies reflect my relationships in widely diverse and nonstereotypical ways.

3. My children are given texts and information at school that validates my sexual orientation.

4. Society encourages me to marry and celebrates my commitment.

5. As a responsible and loving parent, I won’t lose my children in a custody battle because of my sexual orientation.

6. I can easily buy postcards, books, greeting cards, and magazines featuring relationships like mine.

7. I don’t have to worry about being fired or denied housing because of my sexual orientation.

8. I can be sure that if my spouse is in the hospital and incapacitated, I can visit and will be consulted about any decisions that need to be made.

9. Insurance provided by my employer covers my spouse and my children.

10. Hand holding with my love is seen as acceptable and endearing.

11. I can serve my country in the military without lying or keeping silent about my family.

12. I can keep pictures of my loved one on my desk at work without fear or reprisal.

13. I will receive all of my deceased spouse’s estate, tax-free.

14. I never need to change pronouns when describing the events of my life in order to protect my job, my family, or my friendships.

15. If I’m a teenager, I can enjoy dating, first loves, and all the social approval of learning to love appropriately.

16. If I’m called to work with children or to serve God (in most denominations), I don’t have to violate my integrity and lie in order to keep my job.

17. As a responsible and loving adult, I can adopt without lying about my sexual orientation.

18. I feel welcomed and accepted in my church.

19. I can be certain that my children won’t be harassed because of my sexual orientation.

20. I can count on my community of friends, strangers, and institutions to celebrate my love and my family, mourn my losses, and support my relationships.

          I believe that the heterosexual pride parade is more flamboyant than any gay pride parade could ever be. It is happening everywhere and all the time. Those of us who are marching in the heterosexual pride parade need to be aware of our privilege, because it puts us in a position to stop heterosexism. We are less likely to lose our job if we speak up for the rights of gays and lesbians. We can tell other straight people that we approve of gay marriage, and that our marriage is not threatened by what another couple does. We should not let offhand comments slide. So often, sexual minorities have to risk their friendships, their livelihoods, and even their lives to speak up about who they are.

          They should not have to carry that burden alone.

          Sometime in the upcoming week, let another straight person know that you have friends who are gay or lesbian, that they attend your church. Straight people have the responsibility to point out to other straight people that injustice exists. Those who are ignorant of the struggles of the GLBT community may have an easier time learning from a straight person.

          It is time to disrupt the Straight Pride parade, to march in a crooked line, to let other people know that you respect all people and that your parade is inclusive. It is a universal love parade, where people get to march to their own drummer, and chase the drum major or majorette of their desires.

          Ultimately, pride is not about sexuality. I am no more proud of being heterosexual than I am of being right handed. Pride is about having the courage to be who you are. If you are straight and support equal rights for all, then that is something to be proud of. If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trangendered, then it takes courage to be open about who you are. Challenge your straight friends to be more vocal about this issue. No majority vote can be accomplished in this country without straight people. And that puts most of the burden for securing GLBT rights upon straight people.

          Biology has determined that we are the majority. But the rights of minorities must be protected.